The Red Sox spend far too much time warming up in the bullpen and are clearly in second place as the Yankees pause to regroup. RSN eventually sends swarms of players west to meet the Yankees; however, the early inning Yankee lightening assures the field of play rests deep in New England, thus rendering the Red Sox Nation's road uniforms an embarrassment.
Double plays, sacrifices, squeeze plays, stolen bases, extra bases, and plays at the plate unfold all over New England as hits, homers and line drives find the gaps between Brattleboro up in Vermont and New Haven down in Connecticut.
A contingent of ex-players who donned both the pinstripes and Sox red establish a committee to broker a 7th inning stretch. The plan backfires miserably when the site of committee chairman Roger Clemmens infuriates both the Yankees and Red Sox who resume their contest with recharged animosity.
Move and countermove play out all over the field, the Yankees pinch-hit and the Sox change pitchers. The Sox attempt to steal and the Yanks call for a pitch out.
At the end of nine innings, the score stands even and the Yankees and Red Sox grind each other down into extra innings straight through the fall.
The fighting pauses for a brief moment when news reaches the rivals that the Baltimore Orioles defeated the Atlanta Braves in the Most of the Rest of the World Series in October.
With the help of the Boston Ducks, an assemblage of vintage military amphibious transports used to ferry troops redeployed as tour vehicles, the Red Sox shuttle players to land behind the Yankees all along the Connecticut coast. With the influx of fresh players, the Red Sox rally and begin to push the Yankees out of first place across the entire playing field, from New Haven to Springfield.
Capitalizing on their father's shipbuilding connections and business history, the Steinbrenners commission the Great Pinstriped Fleet - a flotilla of water taxis previously used to shuttle fans to and from Yankee Stadium via the Hudson and East rivers - and set sail for New England with a full Relief Corps. The Great Pinstriped Fleet is rebuffed only several miles into Long Island Sound when the RSN enlists Old Ironsides to stop the New Yorkers. The ancient warship was refurbished in the Charleston Naval Yard and lobs volley after volley of fastballs into the Pinstriped Fleet, sending it reeling back all the way through Hell Gate and back to the Bronx.
The Steinbrenners respond by reactivating the USS Intrepid, a decommissioned aircraft carrier transformed into a floating museum on Manhattan's Westside. The reactivation includes the full compliment of aircraft which are subsequently used to carpet beanball Red Sox players and Boston Ducks ferrying relievers across Long Island Sound. Old Ironsides guards the entrance to the Sound but the air strikes convince the RSN to abandon the Ducks, leaving whatever players not on the DL in Connecticut to carry on the fight.
The Sox, having ferried sufficient backup players along Long Island Sound before suspending operations, begin to turn the tide against the Yankees. New Yorkers are thrown out at the plate, caught stealing, picked off and rallies snuffed as the Sox turn double plays and the Yankees are caught looking at called third strikes.
It is at this point, when Yankee fortunes have taken a turn for the worse that the New Yorkers choose to unveil their secret weapon, their version of the Death Star: the MO42 Communications Satellites used by the YES Network. Each contains a hidden Rally Killer Ray. The satellites zap Fenway Park and portions of the Cask & Flagon in an initial strike. They are reluctant to zap the Red Sox players so close to the Yankees and instead concentrate on equipment manufacture and supply lines.
Suddenly faced with crucial shortages of bats, balls, gloves and the Fenway Franks used to feed the players, General Manager Theo Epstein hatches a brilliant scheme: he redirects the orbits of the New England Sports Network's satellites (the infamous PAPI2004) into collision courses with the YES networks MO42 satellites. The Yankee and Red Sox rivalry officially reaches outer space.
Epstein's plan works as all YES satellites are either destroyed or rendered ineffective, but results in the loss of all the NESN satellites in the process.
When both the Yankees and Red Sox threaten to undertake space programs under the code names Operation Play Really Really Deep for the Sox and LLG for Let's Launch George space program (referring to the rocket the Yankees are developing which is shaped like a bat and named the George the First) the nation, and indeed the world, decide they have had enough.
With full backing by the United Nations, the United States issues an ultimatum to the rivals ordering them to cease play within twenty-four hours or face seizure of the ballparks, players and cities by an US led United Nations Security Anti Fighting Expedition (UNSAFE for short).
Larry Lucchino attempts to purchase UNSAFE, but is thwarted at the last minute when the Steinbrenners purchase the United Nations and convert it into an auxiliary parking garage with shuttle bus service to Yankee Stadium.
With UNSAFE disbanded, the Yankees attempt to close out the Red Sox by coordinating an amphibious landing right in Boston with players steaming across the Atlantic from the Yankees European partner, Manchester United: "The British Yankees."
The amphibious landings are a disaster as the English "footballers" are unfamiliar with American baseball and are easily repulsed. Once again, Bostonians make a defiant stand against the English.
The resurgent Red Sox take the extra base and head west, while the Yankees strand runners and continue to wait for the big blast to regain momentum.
The big blast materializes when the Red Sox reach Danbury, Connecticut, the equivalent of rounding third and heading for home, The Bronx.
The Steinbrenners fire absolutely everyone in New York State and hire everyone in New Jersey and the previously neutral Pennsylvania to replace them. The new players, citizens and residents - thrilled to be liberated from New Jersey and Pennsylvania - rally to shut down the Red Sox running game and keep them close to the bag in Danbury.
Raising funds via increased ticket prices (a box seat at Yankee Stadium now costs 16.5 million for a twenty pack of "Tuesday Game Day Special") and plethora of marketing deals ranging from apparel (every article of clothing sold within New York, New Jersey and eastern Pennsylvania must contain a Yankee "NY") to automobiles (cars sold within Yankee territory come in two licensed colors: pinstriped or road gray), Hank Steinbrenner claims to paraphrase Henry Ford when he proclaims, "They can have any color car they want as long as they shut the hell up and buy it!"
With play still deadlocked in the 714th inning it becomes clear that the Yankees are acquiring financial capital to augment their roster with additional free agent acquisitions. RSN reacts by charging that since the Yankees can't seem to close the deal on the field of play, they will simply try to outspend the Sox, to which the Yankees reply, "And?"
This statement proves to be the turning point in the game. The Yankees realize the Sox have given them the key to victory by exposing their greatest weakness, ripe for exploitation.
In a daring dash for home plate and a financial suicide squeeze, the Steinbrenners raises hot dog prices to $1,214 and beer to $2003 for single serve kegs to raise further capital. When necessary funds have been raised, the baby bosses buys Canada , the Atlantic Ocean and the lower atmosphere above New England. The Steinbrenners makes the check for Canada payable to Great Britain, but major controversy arises when it is revealed the checks for the Atlantic and the lower atmosphere are made payable to "God."
The Yankees run the bases with abandon and slide hard into Sox infielders as they retake the initiative and claim sole possession of first place.
The Red Sox are finally vanquished when Hal Steinbrenner announces he has made a deal with the Devil (actually another deal, the third in family history) in exchange for his soul and the souls of Yankee fans worldwide. The devil renders the Red Sox ineffective as they swing and miss, take called third strikes, make the last out at third and miss the cut-off man for all eternity. Theo Epstein is stricken with permanent indecision.
The Yankees stroll into first place and win the American League Eastern Division.
Immediately after defeating the Sox, the crafty Steinbrenner family buys the Vatican, returns the atmosphere and the Atlantic Ocean to God, but retains a sponsorship whereby cloud formations over New England will form in the shape of the Yankee "NY" and the tide will always rush away. The Steinbrenners use the influence and power of their newfound employees and partners to reverse the deal with the devil and have the Pope perform blanket exorcisms at Yankee Stadium to reclaim the souls of loyal fans. The devil is ultimately vanquished, but refuses to relinquish the soul of The Boss, rightly claiming that he already owns George's soul under the terms of a 1977 & 1978 deal. And a 1996 deal. And 1998, 99 & 2000. And the recently completed 2009 deal.
Apparently destined to forever follow in the footsteps of the Yankees - except for that one year when they did not - the Red sox take a page from the Yankee playbook when GM Epstein and owner Lucchino do dinner and drinks with the devil at the ruins of the Cask & Flagon across from the ruins of Fenway Park. The devil, delighted to return to Boston, states it is nice to be back, not having visited Boston since October 2004.