When rival countries load up on weapons it's called an arms race. When baseball teams load up on pitchers it's also called an arms race. When teams build a new ballpark, cram in extra seats, issue standing room only tickets and stuff fans into every available nook, it seems safe to think they are fully engaged in an ass race.

It is very simple to understand:

Asses in seats = money in bank

Money in the bank = players on field.

A little discussed aspect of the Lovely Little Rivalry concerns the race to secure even more sellable space to fans seeking to take themselves out to the ballgame.

The Red Sox are not getting a new ballpark. They are staying put in Fenway Park and exploring options to enhance
" America's Most Beloved Ballpark" or " America's Favorite Ballpark" or " America's New Frontrunner Headquarters"
or whatever the Hell they call it these days. Go there, and Fenway itself announces its status with a banner stretched across the side. Fenway may get the title of "America's #1 Overrated Triple A Style Ballpark" but the one thing they apparently still don't get up in Beantown is how to successfully seat their fans.

In what has to be regarded as one of the all time shrewd business moves, the Yankees somehow save money by building a new stadium. Reinvesting in a new home excuses them from payroll taxes so they get to keep more of their own money and weaken their already feeble cousins by denying them their baseball version of public assistance. This is a good thing; how many of the luxury tax recipients actually spend their cash on players?

While the Yankees cut their baseball social security, play in their new Stadium and earn millions more it will allow the game to eventually welcome the three and four hundred million dollar Yankees. No one cares what the say up in the Flub Hub; some fans can't wait for the Half-Billion Dollar Yankees! Sleep extra secure at night knowing your grandchildren and possibly your own children will see the Billion Dollar Yankees.

They ran their chowder filled mouths up in the Frog Pond about how Yankee Stadium attendance would plummet every year removed from a championship. Well, the Yankees continued to set attendance records every year. Now that the new Stadium is open and christened with a trophy millions more will turn out to visit and spend hundreds of millions at the new shops, bars and restaurants.

Hundreds of millions of dollars equals new players, a rebuilt farm system and opportunities to brand, market and mint brand new Yankee fans for decades to come; my God, it will be beautiful!

While Yankees maximize their new Stadium, "America's Most Sorry-Ass Ballpark" will continue to crumble under the weight of its devotion to failed history. In this day and age, there is nothing wrong with an ultramodern ballpark and a great deal wrong with worshipping a past that confines you to an antiquated hovel haunted by heartbreaking memories.

If the Sox were smart they would knock that damn thing down and build a real ballpark. They won't. They are prisoners of their own mixed success. For years, they could not leave Fenway because the Old Ballpark needed to see a World Championship again in the non-prehistoric era. Now they can't leave Fenway because it still has not literally seen a Championship in the non-prehistoric era.

Fenway hasn't even seen the defining moments of modern Sox history in either 2004 or 2007. On the other hand, Fenway has been stoic enough to survive Bucky Dent, the Boston Massacre and Don Zimmer without collapsing into a green heap. I guess that's a testament of some sort to its sturdy construction.

The point of all this is that while the Yankees were busy redesigning their cash register in the Bronx, the Sox were engineering ways to stuff even more chowder heads into "America's Most Overcrowded Ballpark." The Sox are losing the Ass Race; now, in the foreseeable future, and in the long run. It will take the Sox years to figure out how to try and catch up, never mind actually catching up.

Here are excerpts reprinted from a Boston Daily Rag exposing the comical lack of creativity, impaired strategic planning, and blurred long range vision of the Feeble Empire, the ultimate "Plan B," a detailed list of what the Sox plan to do with Fenway instead of building a new ballpark. Be sure to note the delusional thinking and ongoing obsession with their favorite archrival.