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Discovered in Egypt in 1799, it actually
contains a Red Sox related surprise!
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This early Royal Rooter was burned at the stake,
by who else? Yankee fans in 15 th Century France for the
then heretic claims of receiving scores of
Sox games from God.
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Celebrated poet, playwright and author was most obviously
a Sox fan based on his work. Witness the unaltered version
of this famous line: “To “B” or not to “B. There is no question!”
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This Native American Princess was originally
drafted by the Indians and saved early Red Sox
third base coach John Smith. Her relationship
with Smith led to a long term love affair
with the
Sox as a batting coach. Legend has it
Pocahontas
invented the sacrifice bunt.
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Washington was sworn in as our first president on the steps of Federal Hall
in New York City wearing a B cap. Over the years, Yankee sympathizer historians
have removed the beloved B cap from our first president. Red Sox Nation Founding
Father Thomas Jefferson penned the Declaration of Independence , the first draft of
which included the immortal words, “When in the course of human events, it becomes
clear the Yankees Suck…” |
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This Revolutionary War patriot was clearly
a Sox fan based on his emotional last words,
“I regret that I have but one life to spend
watching the Yankees Suck.”
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It comes as no surprise that a Bostonian would be a Red Sox fan. What is
surprising
is the fact that history has somehow lost the final piece of his
stirring instructions: “One if by land, two if by sea, and three
if the Yankees Suck.”
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The legendary nurse became a Red Sox fan
after
falling in love
with the team while treating
a
player
beaned by a Highlander (later renamed
the Yankees) pitcher during a European exhibition tour.
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He was also partial to the Cubs and - to a lesser extent - the White Sox. Lincoln
was talking about the '77 Yankees when he said, “A team divided against itself
cannot stand.” Lincoln
also authored the famous Gettysburg Address and was
forced by Yankee fans in his cabinet to change the first line to its current
incarnation from the original: ” Four score and seven years ago, when the
Yankees first started to suck…" |
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The disputable father of the telephone was a Sox fan
and legend has it he
was
working
on the invention to
quickly relay news of Boston victories. He is
credited
with speaking
the first words uttered over a
telephone line when he
accidentally
spills
battery
acid
on his clothes and shouts to his assistant,
“Watson, the Yankees Suck!”
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While it is a fact Teddy was a real live
native
New Yorker,
her was also a real
live
Red Sox fan and had special
uniforms
created for his rough riders
as they
charged up San Juan Hill. |
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Undersea explorer and Red Sox fan famous for organizing
ocean floor
ballgames between the Calypso Red Sox and
the Aquatic Yankees.
Note: Red Sox fan Explore Jacques Cousteau is often confused with Yankee Fan,
Inspector Jacques Clouseau as portrayed by Peter Sellers.
Please don't make the same mistake
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Uttered these immortal words in a famous speech in 1946:
"From White Plains in the North to Sandy Hook due south, a pinstriped curtain
has descended across the region. Behind that line lie all the capitals of the
ancient teams of the national league. The Polo Grounds in Manhattan
and Ebbets Field in Brooklyn . These famous teams lie in what I might call
the Yankee sphere, and all are subject, in one form or another, to
Yankee influence, but to a very high, and in some cases increasing
measure of control from the Bronx ."
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What is less known is the unedited text of his immortal line:
“Ask not what the Red Sox can do for you, ask what you can
do to make sure the Yankees Suck…” |
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This former President and actor was a Sox fan and
issued this famous challenge to the Soviet Union,
“Mr. Gorbachov, tear down that wall so we can see
how much
the Yankees suck more clearly…”
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An ancient alternate version of the Old Testament was recently unearthed
after centuries of being hidden on the site of Fenway Park . It would seem
that Himself
is a Sox fan and immediately set the tone for all eternity:
“In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth and the Red Sox.
On the second day he created the Yankees, and He made them Sucketh |
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In conclusion, there is no way it can ever remotely be
claimed that
Yogi Berra was a Sox fan. We can however,
paraphrase
one of his
most famous quotes and apply it
here with great glee: “It ain't over ‘til the Yankees Suck…
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so it must be over!” |
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